The exhilarating and messy in-between

Thoughts on savoring the middle of the creative process

I’ve always felt especially sensitive to the in-between moments of a creative project. The moments that stretch out, heavy with anticipation, relentless with activity, swirling with energy. Unraveling, unfinished, untidy.

It’s the feeling you get when hundreds of puzzle pieces are scattered across the table and you are painstakingly connecting them one at a time. There’s a small thrill when one fits snugly into its mate. A deep satisfaction when swaths of color begin to turn into recognizable shapes. 

In the past, I found it difficult to savor this part of the creative process, to really lean into the pleasure of building. I used to run for dear life through these moments, unwilling to stop for long enough to feel the weight of what I was doing.

I often focused on the mess, on how much I had left to go, on how far I felt from completeness. I was afraid of the chaos, of the early drafts, of the half-baked ideas, of the potential for a project to spiral out and get derailed. I was afraid that slowing down would create space for uncertainty, afraid I would lose focus, lose clarity. I was afraid that if I stepped back, I would never return, never finish.

During the many long years that I worked in marketing for tech companies, I liked to dazzle people with my speed, with how quickly I could execute. Working required strict project management and adherence to deadlines beyond my control. There was very little pausing for reflection. I rarely celebrated what I was doing as I was doing it. I completed projects, hit my goals, grew my team, got promoted. Rinse and repeat. And it felt good to move fast, beyond the praise from upper management. The faster I worked, the more I was able to experiment, to try new things. I did a lot. I learned a lot. I published hundreds (maybe thousands) of articles over the years, launched dozens of brand campaigns. This is success, I thought. To-do lists checked off, accomplishments stacked up. And I raced to get there.

But now I am pausing more and more. It’s a lesson I began learning last year when I started The Rebis, and I am re-learning it again this year as I work on the next issue. I finish one big task and I don’t immediately rush into the next. I am afforded the luxury of moving at my own pace — after all, I am my own boss, I set my own goals, I determine my own deadlines. Instead of sprinting to the finish line for this publication, I have been giving myself space. I’ll sit with an idea, a thought, a feeling for enough time that it transforms into something else, becomes a key that unlocks a door I hadn’t seen before.

(Of course, this is all very related to the Chariot, a card that invites us to reflect on movement, progress, and success — and I’ll be sharing more about my own relationship with the card in our print publication.)

My current view of the redwoods. Guerneville, California.

Today, I am in Guerneville, California. The same place I lived last year when I was finishing the first issue of The Rebis. I’m even sitting under the same redwoods while writing this note to you.

I am pausing at an in-between moment. Appreciating the unfinished state. The drafts are in, the artwork is underway. The Rebis: Chariot is more than halfway done. This part of the creative process is exhilarating and messy, and I love it so much. I love refining an idea with a writer. I love how language evolves from one draft to the next. I love when a new idea snakes its way through work that felt complete but now requires additional attention.

Earlier this week, I read

Lisa Olivera

’s newsletter “Loose Threads” where she talks at length about being “In The Middle,” about feeling unresolved. She is referring more to a state of being, which resonates with me on many levels. Lisa writes, “acknowledging how Unfinished and Unpolished I am is the only way I can truly stay rooted to possibility — acknowledging how far from the ‘other side’ I’ll always be is the only way possibility becomes a practice.”

That word, possibility, echoed around in my head. I love the possibility that comes from being in this in-between, “In The Middle” stage of the creative process. I feel the potential, I feel its pulse, its aliveness. And I am savoring it.

Hannah

P.S. Stay tuned for contributor announcements and more Chariot thoughts. Likely within the next week. ✨